Sister Úna Lived a Good Death

Singer: ♪ Oh, whoa, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ Woman: I am Sister Una Louis Columbkille Aloysius Feeney... and I am going to die.

♪ I want to die with a splash.

♪ I want it to be a celebration of how I've been living... ♪ and how I've loved.

♪ I want to die with laughter.

I want to die with goodness and love and great memories.

♪ Our society is just so freaked out about death.

♪ When someone dies, it scares us so much.

I don't see death as an end at all.

It's a process.

It's a reality we're all gonna face.

♪ The moment of death is very hard... ♪ but it's a sacred moment where the divine totally intersects with the human and frees and liberates and calls home.

Let's enjoy it.

Let's celebrate it.

Let's do it.

Let's give others a blessing in it... and, of course, you know, I'm not gonna have a heart attack in the middle of the mall, so it's not gonna be dramatic.

It's just gonna be, like, in bed... [Snores] something, like, that.

♪ Charlie Burnham: ♪ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral ♪ ♪ Too-ra-loo-ra-li ♪ ♪ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral ♪ ♪ Hush now, don't you cry ♪ ♪ Too-ra-loo... ♪ Man: When I think of Sister Una Feeney, she loved tenderly the students she worked with, the families she encountered.

Different man: She was very influential to me.

She was always loving, and she really played a big role in this community.

♪ Burnham: ♪ Just a simple, little ditty... ♪ Woman: Una really impacted me, this hip nun who drank, smoked, wore normal clothes.

Man: And she pulled up on a motorcycle.

It was the date from hell.

[Laughter] She said he was insistent on a kiss, and I burped into his mouth.

[Laughter] Different man: And we were always talking about death, and she'd also talk about hot toddies, you know, as you do.

Woman: Even her name-- Una, the one.

She is the one.

Man: I was one of those people, I couldn't hide it.

You're like, "That kid's queer," you know, "That kid's gay," and I think she just accepted me right off the bat.

She knew that I was different, but she never made me feel that I was different.

Woman: And she continued to teach me things.

Like, she wanted to put a recording device inside of her coffin... [Laughter] saying things like, "I'm still here."

[Laughter] Burnham: ♪ Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral ♪ ♪ That's an Irish ♪ ♪ Lullaby ♪ [Birds chirping] Hello.

Hello.

♪ Woman: Do you want a drink?

Una: I'd love a drink.

Thank you.

I need a drink for this, too.

OK, a drink of water for me, water in the plastic glass.

I know, I know.

OK, OK, OK, OK. Good thing you have cancer.

Otherwise, I would make you do that.

Thank you.

OK, so you were 19.

I was 19.

I was at this summer camp.

I was the only person that wasn't from California.

I was the only person not from, like, the San Diego area, I think.

Or Earth.

There was-- [Laughs] And you got a red baseball cap on, and you're doing this to somebody.

I don't know who.

I was like, "Who is that?"

They were like, "Oh, that's Sister Una," and I was like, "That's a nun?"

I was giving directions, pointing the way.

Oh, yeah.

You were giving directions.

That's all, giving directions.

"Go that way."

"God is this way."

Yeah, maybe.

God's number one.

That's what you were saying.

And I, working with troubled teenagers, then had a real sense of-- I had a real sense of, "Oh, this one needs help."

Yeah.

Notice the new flower?

Mm.

I was thinking that we would take out some of the dead ones and put in some of the new ones.

What's dead?

Oh, in the beds?

Kelsey, voice-over: I don't have any experience watching someone die.

Maybe just plant some and let the gopher go crazy.

Kelsey, voice-over: This has been almost a two-year process, and it's been terminal from the beginning, but she doesn't use that word, and I'd never use that word ever, either.

You can add a photo.

This is for the front... Oh, for the front?

part.

Kelsey, voice-over: She's always really positive, especially about her health.

She, like, really went hard for, like, a couple days.

She was down at her mom's house, her mom who's very sick, and she was really excited and had a great time.

Oh, there's one of me and Mom, me and my mom.

I like that one.

That is a good one.

So it'll say, "Save the date"... Mm-hmm.

and then something in text.

Like, "Celebration of Una's life."

"Celebration of--" We'll put that.

Should we put in, "The bride is Una Feeney"... Sure.

"and the groom is Death," No.

Jesus.

or is that too morbid?

Una, voice-over: When I do die...

I thought you weren't one of those "married"... Una, voice-over: it's my funeral, so I'm doing it my way.

I want to express it like I express me, and, of course, there will be an Irish wake with drinking.

[Laughter] Una: Oh, no.

No.

Don't you dare.

Woman: Either Shock Top-- I got you.

Shock Top.

I'll have either Shock Top or a Blue Moon.

Una: And one of my cousins comes up to me and says, "Una, aren't you excited that you're gonna meet our Lord and Savior Jesus at your death?"

and I said, "You know, um, I'm not excited about dying," but she's like, "Oh, you get to die and meet Jesus," and I'm like, "Yeah.

OK. "That's cool, but, you know, "I've been married to him for 35 years, so it's not a big deal"... [Laughter] and to be given the gift of cancer... Yep.

it's a physical disease I have.

My spirit doesn't have cancer.

My soul doesn't have cancer, but the cancer is making me be a better me.

It's been a blessing.

It's been a grace.

Kelsey: Things get serious out here?

Mm-hmm.

Looks like they got serious.

We're talking about the gift of cancer.

The blessing that cancer has been.

Kelsey: A gift?

Is it a gift?

I think so.

Is that what it is tonight?

I think so.

OK. Woman: Anything that you haven't done that you want to do?

Una: At this point in time, I have to say, both my oncologist and my palliative care doctor have said, "Do whatever it is you want to do," and so I want to go fishing.

I want to go to Vegas, and I want to meet my new baby nephew when he's born.

Una: Sarah, your first Christmas.

That is so cute.

It's a Christmas decoration.

Wasn't I so cute?

You were two months old.

That was our first Christmas together, and I'm looking like Billie Jean King on the right side.

That was me.

That was you?

That was me.

I was thinner.

Billie Jean King.

Yeah.

Sarah, voice-over: She's like an extension of my mother.

Like, when I say she's my aunt, it's like, "Oh, that--" It doesn't quite describe it enough.

We just have, like, this very special connection.

She has something about her that turns every situation to that learning opportunity.

It's like going to confession without actually having to say the 25 Hail Marys.

And Monday, I'm going with Sarah and Daniel to see Baby Sebastian in real time and hear his heartbeat for reals.

Woman: Good.

Yeah, so I'm very excited about that.

Sarah, voice-over: In February, Uni called me, and she had said that the doctor had given her roughly 2 to 3 months to live, and so that was kind of, like, the deciding factor for Daniel and I, like, "We need to have kids soon."

♪ No.

Ha ha!

Oh, are you kidding me?

No wonder you're looking like you're glowing.

Oh, congratulations, Sarah.

Oh, my God, I am so-- You need to hang in there till December.

I will.

December.

I will.

Oh, honey, I will.

I'm so excited.

Una, voice-over: Knowing that Sebastian's coming in December, that's his due date, but it's one of my due dates.

My intention is to move past what the X-rays show and move past what the blood work shows so that I am continuing to live, and I plan on being there to hold my new baby nephew when he's born.

There's his little hand.

That's his back.

There's his little head.

New life.

♪ Una: I was born in Boston.

I'm the youngest of 4, and I'm one of 44 first cousins.

♪ We went to church on Sundays and stuff, but I hated nuns growing up.

My parents didn't encourage religious life at all because of the negative experiences that they both had had in Ireland.

My mother's from a village that the poor women weren't allowed at the local church, and my grandmother became friends with the traveling people called tinkers, and they were totally rejected by society.

The women came to go to church, and the nuns wouldn't let them in, so my grandmother got up out of the back pew and went outside and stood outside with the tinker women looking in, and, "If you're not gonna let these women in to worship, you're not letting me in, either."

I learned about my Irish sense of justice from who my grandmother was.

It's become my story, also.

♪ Woman: Una could talk her way through anything.

"Why can't I wear a baseball cap to school if I'm a girl?"

"Why can't I wear sneakers, high-tops, if I'm a girl?

and they would all go, "Now, Una, you know, we've never done that," and she'd say, "Well, it's about time we tried."

Una: I was in trouble a lot, and I spent most of my time in detention for things like rolling my skirt or not having a full slip on.

My backpack just happened to hit the fire alarm during the French exams.

Things like that happened to me a lot.

Man: Una was always looking for the downtrodden people, the people that were forgotten, the misfits, and, honest to God, like, lobbying them to some cause.

[People shouting] Una: It wasn't until I was out of college myself and my housemates, we all decided to go work at a summer camp, and that's where I met the Sisters of Social Service.

♪ They weren't in habits.

They were in jeans and sweatshirts, and they were like normal people.

"How could they be sisters?

I mean, these guys are so cool."

I didn't resonate with, "I want to be a nun," so much as I wanted to work with a group of women who are committed to peace and justice.

Here I am, the wild one of the cousins.

I thought, "I'm gonna check this convent out."

I literally intended to come just for a couple of weeks and check it out, and here I am 35 years later.

I love being a Sister of Social Service, and I belong to the Roman Catholic Church, which is, like, the biggest [beep]-up there is right now, you know, with the abuse and the power and the patriarchy.

I'm in the midst of the church saying, "It's not right to treat people the way you have treated them," and I don't go around, like, banging in the Bible or anything like that.

I'm a youth minister, so I work with teenagers and helping young people believe in themselves and believe that they're worthy and that they're loved and they are lovable and that they can make a difference, that they can stand up against injustices... ♪ and that's what I've been doing, and that's my life.

♪ [Distant traffic sounds] Una: Hi, kids.

Man: Hi.

How are you?

How you doing?

It's so good to see you.

Feeney is it?

Yes.

[Laughter] I think you got the right one.

Yeah.

Come on.

Have a seat.

What is it today?

Your color's off a little bit.

Yeah.

I feel off a bit.

Yeah, not as-- You don't have a rosy glow.

No.

I have your blood results here, and your hemoglobin was good.

Yeah.

It was 9.2.

Your white count was OK.

Your chemistry was good.

I have great chemistry.

You do have great chemistry.

Your chemistry was pretty good.

OK. Do you want to look at your PET scan?

Yes.

So this is your PET scan from May 2017, almost a year ago from today, so then we're gonna come to the most recent one... [Computer mouse clicks] and you can see that it's spread.

Yeah.

The cancer has spread.

Right, and the kind of chemo I'm on now, is it to curtail the growth, or is it to kill the growth?

You know, the stage of your cancer is a stage 4.

Right.

It's metastatic stage 4.

At this stage, there is no cure.

The goal is to slow it... Yeah, slow it down.

hold the fort.

Mm-hmm.

Realistically, I mean, if I had not seen you in person... Yeah.

and I had seen a scan of this, I don't understand how you would walk here without any pain.

Yeah.

Logically, you would say, "If when I came in with this "and I couldn't walk, Mm-hmm.

then how is it that when I have this..." Yeah.

I'm pretty independent and walking?"

Is the medicine doing something?

Likely.

Yeah.

I think it's more of your own mentality and mindset that's able to make you function without a significant amount of narcotics, and you're not on anything... Yeah.

so I think that's just a testament of your human spirit because the cancer's pretty bad.

♪ Everybody's buckled up?

Safety first, Batman.

♪ Una, voice-over: I think it's important to talk about what it means to die, and I want to help others to encounter a letting go of their fear of death, and I want them to celebrate and to maybe be inspired.

Kelsey: Cheers to Friday night at the convent.

Oh, absolutely, movie night at the convent.

That's beautiful.

That's beautiful.

Kelsey: What movie are we watching?

Una, voice-over: It's a story called "Harold and Maude."

It's about a young man who's fascinated with death.

Maude: You go to funerals often, don't you?

Harold: Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

So do I. Una, voice-over: He meets an older person who teaches him how to live, so it's this whole life/death relationship.

Maude: ...fun, aren't they?

It's change, all revolving, burials and births, one linked to the other, the great circle of life.

[Tires screech] Hey, this old thing handles well.

Una: So I thought we would look at the packets-- everybody get one?-- and so on the first page, it talks about, number one, how do I want my body to be disposed?

Do I want to be buried or cremated or put in the sea?

I think sometimes we don't think about that we have a choice, but we do.

Even if I die in a fire, I want to be buried.

I don't want to be cremated, you know, and this isn't just about me, you guys.

This is all each of us, OK?

Who do we need to notify?

There's not enough room on this page.

I was gonna say, that space is a little small.

Yeah.

We need a lot more space of who you want to notify, and then has anybody had an experience of a wake?

I don't know if I'd do a viewing anymore, but I always-- When they get those women in those stuffy clothes... Una: I know.

I would rather have on, like, brand-new sweats, you know, but-- really-- or my pajamas.

Pajamas, I think, are the way to go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I just, like-- Ohh, I just think, "How are you gonna be comfortable the rest of your life?"

There you go.

That's one way to look at it.

Yeah.

I want to wear my glasses.

You wouldn't know me without them, right... Woman: Yeah.

I agree.

so I wear glasses.

And you want to be able to see in eternity, right?

Absolutely.

Well, so that you all know, one thing I have settled on is, of course, I am gonna wear a baseball cap.

Oh, but do you know which one?

Oh, that's been really hard right now.

Do we just put them all in there?

Well, I don't know about that, but-- Why don't you switch them, like, every half hour?

Great idea.

Switch them out.

That's a great idea.

Yeah, so-- Yeah.

Yeah.

♪ [Playing "Danny Boy"] ♪ Woman, voice-over: My whole view of death growing up, the only thing we could see is a body in a casket and family weeping and crying and mourning, but from Sister Una, we've learned to celebrate death, to celebrate life.

The point of view makes a difference.

Ha ha ha!

[Harmonica continues] Woman, voice-over: I think it's helped everyone that she's touched here.

I'm one of the younger ones here.

Sister Una is the youngest, and many of the sisters know that this is their last stop.

[Harmonica continues] We want to be surrounded by people that we know and that we love and that we know love us, so why not?

My gosh, you are beautiful.

[Harmonica continues] Joelene, voice-over: I really hope her mom goes before Una does.

I think it's hard for a mother to bury a child, but also, it changes how she is preparing for her own death.

[Harmonica music ends] ♪ Who's ready?

♪ Hail, Holy Queen enthroned above ♪ ♪ O Maria ♪ Uh-huh.

Clap your hands.

♪ Hail, Holy Queen enthroned above ♪ ♪ O Maria ♪ All: ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ God is great ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ God is good ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ What if God was one of us ♪ ♪ Just a slob like one of us ♪ ♪ Just a stranger on the bus ♪ ♪ Trying to make His way home?

♪ Or Her way home.

Una: I remember when you introduced yourself, You said, "My name is Babak Goldman, and I am here to help you."

That's probably because I was scared or frightened because they're like, "You're gonna see a nun."

I'm like, "Oh, crap."

Yeah.

I surprised you, didn't I?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, "Oh, no."

I think, you know, the truth is, most people have a very hard time with death and dying.

We are taught in medical school-- I took 6 months of OB/GYN, OK, do 6 months of psych.

We do surgery.

We do-- I have no desire of being an OB, a gynecologist, but it's a mandatory.

You've got to do OB/GYN, but nothing on death.

Nothing?

Every physician deals with death.

Whether you're a psychologist, an OB/GYN, a surgeon, a pediatrician, or internist, you're gonna deal with death because everyone dies.

Yeah.

Not everyone's gonna deliver a baby.

That's true.

You've handled it very well.

Yeah.

No, really.

Honestly, we have people that come in that a lot of times, the pain that they experience is existential pain.

My attitude is, my body has a disease, but my spirit is alive, you know, and God is very much a part of this whole journey.

You're not scared about dying?

I don't feel fearful of dying.

I don't feel-- Why?

For me, it's another level of freedom, and I think my journey of dying has given me a freedom I've never known before.

There are definitely elements of my life in which I am so sad... but I'm free in a whole different way to live and to live out loud, and that's what I'm trying to do, is, every day's a new gift, and every day, I'm gonna live it the best I can.

♪ [Birds chirping] Kelsey: You had gone to the doctor, and you said, "I'm not afraid to die, "but I don't want to clean out my apartment because I'm afraid if I do, I'm gonna die afterwards," and then you talked about how you weren't afraid to die, but you were worried about everybody else.

My sadness, actually, you know, to this day surrounds around my family and how they're gonna do, but I just want them to be OK.

But that's not your responsibility.

Yeah, but, you know, I do want to be more free.

I feel I'm very free in many ways, but when it comes to my family, there's a depth of attachment that I'm not free yet.

But, like, you just can't-- I can't control anybody how they feel.

I can't control how they-- I know, but you're still-- I know that, know, know, know that.

My heart aches for them.

Aches for who?

My family.

Why?

Because I'm gonna die.

We're all gonna die.

I'm gonna die real soon.

You think so?

Well, sooner than they are.

What do you think will happen?

[Birds chirping] ♪ ♪ Una, voice-over: The burden in death is living with the loss of the person that's so important to you and then they're gone.

Grief is living with the daily reminder of their absence.

A few weeks ago, I noticed I was so tired and extreme weakness, just wanting to sleep.

The timing on it was very related to the loss of my mom... ♪ that my psyche needed to stop and rest.

♪ ♪ When my mom was dying, I was laying in bed with her.

We're holding hands, and I thought, "This is the story of my life."

Knowing who I am is because of who my mother was, and it's knowing her story that becomes part of my story... ♪ and I remember thanking her and acknowledging the gift of life she's been for me.

♪ She looked over, and she goes, "Thank you for giving me life"... ♪ and I thought, that's where the circle of life continues, that, although she gave me literally my life and she taught me so much, she's thanking me for giving her life, and so it's Mom's story.

It's my story, but it's our story of relationship, as well.

♪ I realized that I am called to my own story of letting go.

Will my mom's death free me to live or free me to die?

♪ [Birds chirping] I don't have, like, a deep attachment to my mom's house, so I will be distributing to family members if they would like, but I think that the family's going through a real hard time since my mom's death.

We had our family gathering to go over my mother's will-- my brother Patrick came down-- and we were absolutely shocked to hear how it had changed... [Penny whistle playing] so there's a lot of tension with the family.

Par Parekh: Where do you think he's [indistinct], just childhood?

We're Irish, so my family's from one extreme to the other, one of complete generosity and love and acceptance and openness to one that's very toxic and negative and selfish... and... Patrick's not gonna get a save-the-date card.

I don't want him at my funeral.

I mean, do I want to deal with my family, or do I want to go fishing?

So anyhow, I'm looking at quality of life.

I'm looking at being with people who are positive energy, who are supportive.

This is something we haven't actually talked about or I have not even thought of that process.

That actual moment when, who is gonna be there?

How does that take place?

Well, you know, palliative care said that I could be-- I'd be in hospice, and they'd have a private room at the hospital and chairs and couches for family and friends, and I'm like, "Oh, that's-- "Thank you, but I don't want to be in the hospital.

I want to be in my own bed in my room," so I plan on dying here, but, you know, my awareness too, is, there's some of my friends who really want to be here with me whom I'm like, "It's OK. We could just call each other," but they have such a need, and it's like, "I can't take care of your needs."

I got enough going on.

I just can't take care of somebody else's emotional needs and their sense of loss of me and their anger at God for taking me away from them.

I'm like, "God doesn't have anything to do with this.

I'm just dying."

I have a friend who's, like, just bawling, "I want to hold you as you die," and I'm like, "Uh, absolutely not, nix, zero, nada, no way."

[Sighs] It doesn't mean I don't care for you.

It means I just don't have the energy to deal with you right now, you know?

I'd rather be eating lollipops with friends.

♪ Laura Jean Anderson: ♪ Of all the money e'er I had ♪ ♪ I spent it in good company ♪ [The Mahones' "Paint the Town Red" playing] ♪ Finny McConnell: ♪ Hey there, where you going to?

♪ ♪ How the hell you been?

♪ ♪ I haven't seen you in a while ♪ ♪ Come over here, my friends ♪ ♪ It sure has been a long time ♪ ♪ Since I've seen your pretty face ♪ ♪ I heard that you've been doing good ♪ ♪ What's the story with this place?

♪ ♪ So c'mon, here we go again ♪ ♪ You and I ♪ ♪ We'll paint this [beep] town red ♪ ♪ All: ♪ A baby prune just like his dad ♪ ♪ He's not wrinkled as bad ♪ ♪ No matter how young a prune may be ♪ ♪ He's always getting stewed ♪ Amazing you still remember that.

I remembered half of it.

That was amazing.

So we gather together... [Laughter] as a group of friends who experienced Camp Mariastella together through 40 years now, so why don't we have a program meeting?

All: Yay!

Woman, voice-over: This is a little bit of a camp reunion.

We all met as campers and counselors at a summer camp-- Camp Mariastella, and we made a big, giant connection.

When we're together, we're really strong, and that's thanks to Una.

Woman, voice-over: It was, like, the highlight of our life, was going to camp, and Una just became a part of our family.

Like, you feel safe when you're with her This has been awesome, and I haven't even gone fishing yet, so I'm really, really glad.

[Boat motor running] Una: I don't care if I catch anything.

It's fishing that matters.

Woman: You got the line ready?

Think we'll get halibut out here?

Man: My brother's caught one.

Oh, and are you using smelt for-- Man: Herring.

Herrings?

OK. ♪ And spoke the chef of our famous ship ♪ ♪ Dut dut da doh doh ♪ ♪ Da dut da da, da da da da da ♪ ♪ Dut da da da da wah da da da ♪ ♪ 3 times around spun our mighty ship ♪ ♪ And 3 times around did she ♪ ♪ 3 times around spun our mighty ship ♪ ♪ And she sank to the bottom of the sea ♪ ♪ And the ocean waves do roll ♪ ♪ And the stormy winds do blow ♪ ♪ And we poor sailors are skipping at the top... ♪ Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem: ♪ While the landlubbers ♪ ♪ Lie down below, below, below ♪ ♪ While the landlubbers lie down below ♪ Liam Clancy: ♪ Then up spoke the captain of our gallant ship ♪ ♪ And a fine old man was he ♪ ♪ "This fishy mermaid has warned me of our doom ♪ ♪ We shall sink to the bottom of the sea" ♪ Clancy Brothers and Makem: ♪ And the ocean waves do roll ♪ ♪ And the stormy winds do blow ♪ ♪ And we poor sailors are skipping at the top ♪ ♪ While the landlubbers lie down below ♪ ♪ Below, below ♪ ♪ While the landlubbers lie down below... ♪ Woman, voice-over: You either take the ball and run with it, or you decide not to play no more, and I think she's decided, "I'm gonna take my ball and go play with it."

Clancy: ♪ And tonight a widow she will be ♪ Clancy Brothers: ♪ And the ocean waves do roll ♪ ♪ And the stormy winds do blow... ♪ Judy, voice-over: She's staying up longer than all of us.

Like, I can't keep up with her, and she's got freaking cancer.

Yeah.

Ha ha!

Jackie B., voice-over: That energy comes from the love that she's receiving from people around her.

Clancy Brothers and Makem: ♪ And the landlubbers lie down below ♪ ♪ Then 3 times round spun our gallant ship ♪ ♪ And 3 times round spun she ♪ ♪ 3 times round spun our gallant ship ♪ ♪ And she sank to the bottom of the sea ♪ ♪ And the ocean waves do roll ♪ ♪ And the stormy winds do blow ♪ ♪ And we poor sailors are skipping at the top ♪ ♪ While landlubbers lie down below ♪ ♪ Below, below ♪ ♪ While the landlubbers lie down below ♪ Ha ha ha!

Right there, that does look like where that piece should be hanging off of, for sure.

Jackie B, voice-over: We should all be living our lives the way she's living her life now because there are no days that are promised to anybody.

[Indistinct conversation] [Laughter] Are we gonna sing our grace?

Yeah.

I would like to-- Oh, [beep] it.

Let's eat.

Yeah.

[Laughter] Woman, voice-over: I have a crisis of faith.

Like, why are [beep] bad people walking the earth but you're trying to give Una cancer?

Really?

Jackie S., voice-over: This is gonna happen.

Like, she's gonna die, and I had to say that.

I have said, "She is dying."

There's no getting around it, so-- Yeah, and I haven't said it.

I just-- Yeah.

You know, it's one of the things that-- Like, I won't say the words that, you know-- And I have to say it because I just-- I have to prep myself.

[Indistinct conversation] We haven't loaded up your truck.

Can we put those in?

I'll put mine at the very back.

We got to get the wheelchair out.

[Indistinct conversation] ♪ You ready?

No.

Me, neither.

♪ So how much time do we have before we actually have to get in the car?

Ha ha ha!

We were supposed to leave 3 minutes ago.

Oh.

Last one.

I need to go get some air.

Yes.

Let's go do that out on the porch because we have a surprise for you out there.

Do you really?

Yeah.

Woman: So, Una, thank you for being a road sign along our way and point us in the right direction.

Oh, I love it.

Oh, that's fantastic, you guys.

Well, thanks for being here with us so we could put it up.

♪ ♪ Una: I've had a fatigue that it's as if somebody pops a hole in me and all my energy goes out.

It's different from being, like, tired or sleepy.

It's like-- Oh, it's like you just want to flop like you don't have any bones in you, like, just be like a stuffed animal that's just, "Uhh..." That's how it feels, exhausted, and no matter how hard I try to, you know, be up, it's just, like, I can do it in short spurts.

You know, the palliative care are wonderful and offer me all sorts of painkillers and stuff.

It's really good, but I try-- I want my wits about me when I have them, and I want to be able to still drive, go visit my niece, and get ready for Baby Sebastian to be here.

[Birds chirping] Sarah: Do you want me to bring all these dishes to Michael?

Una: Like my heart ones?

Sarah: These are cute.

I just like these because they're nice and deep.

There's a pink one, also, to go with it.

I know.

Oh, I want you to have this book for Sebastian.

It's called "The Giving Tree."

Oh, "The Giving Tree."

I love "The Giving Tree."

So that goes to Sebastian.

I actually love Shel Silverstein.

Sarah, could you get me that fish bowl, and I want to share this with Daniel, also.

Mm-hmm.

OK, so this bowl belonged to your great-great- grandmother Sarah Burke, and she's a fisherwoman in Galway.

This was the only thing she owned that was hers, and she passed it on to Mom Feeney, who passed it on to my father, who passed it on to me, and it's the story of our people, the fisher people, so I want you to have that.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

I will put this on display.

It passed on to Sebastian, my little fish.

I'll put it in his nursery.

Awesome.

OK, so we're definitely taking the table.

OK.

I got it.

♪ La la la ♪ Yeah.

I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed.

Daniel: Why don't you sit down?

Yeah.

I think I'm gonna go out and have a break for myself.

Una: I would love to read "The Elephant and Butterfly" to Sebastian.

We got to find it.

Do you know where I can find it?

I think it's in the bookcase by my front door... Really?

and it's E.E.

Cummings.

OK.

I'll look for it today.

Let me finish my cig, and I'll go in.

OK. Yeah.

OK. [Sniffles] [Sniffles] [Whimpers] Thursday.

Maybe it's Friday now.

Having a hard time putting it all together... um, lots of memories, lots of thoughts.

You're trying to figure out what does time mean and how much time someone needs to live.

Don't know the answer.

I think wanting to live is enough in some ways, that it doesn't matter how much time there is.

Sometimes it's almost, like, easier to... [Sighs] not want the time, just let life take you where it's going to take you.

♪ Annmarie: [Indistinct] Uhh... ♪ And this happened so fast.

A week ago, she was...Una.

I mean, in a good mood and, you know, just being funny and happy, and it's literally a week, and this started two days ago.

♪ Sarah is at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach area, and she's having our first grandchild, her first baby.

She and her husband went in this morning to be induced.

This text, it says, "I asked her how she was feeling.

"She says, "Awful.

I feel like I'm dying."

How's Uni?"

♪ Oh... Oh... ♪ Oh... Oh... Mm... [Moaning] [Birds chirping] [Moaning continues] ♪ Woman: Concluding blessing.

May the Lord be with you and protect you.

Amen.

All: Amen.

May the Lord guide you and give you strength.

Amen.

May the Lord watch over you, keep you in His care, and bless you with His peace.

Amen.

May Almighty God bless you-- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

♪ I should give you a smoke, but I can't.

You can't smoke around the oxygen.

[Woman coughs] Woman: We're gonna show you Sebastian.

Sebastian's here.

See the baby?

Can you open your eyes?

No?

Sarah sent you a picture.

Sebastian's here and doing-- There's a new leaf on the tree.

Oh.

He's doing good.

OK. Sarah's gonna try to bring him to you tomorrow, OK?

Big day-- Sebastian's birthday.

[Snoring] [Playing "Danny Boy"] ♪ [Snoring continues] ♪ [Harmonica continues] Amen.

[Harmonica continues] [Moaning] ♪ [Moaning continues] ♪ ♪ ♪ [Birds chirping] ♪ ♪ Sarah: Come here, little nugget.

[Fusses] Oh, you're probably really hot, poor kid.

OK. [Sniffles] Sarah, voice-over: Sebastian arrived at 9:49 in the morning.

You have to spend 24 hours in the hospital... but then Saturday morning at 3 A.M., Daniel came to my bed, and, you know, he held my hand, and he was like, "Una passed."

[Sniffles] [Sniffles] I was in shock, disbelief.

I felt... lonely... [Birds chirping] definitely a lot of guilt that I didn't get to see her in that week.

I didn't get to say good-bye, and then obviously, you know, she-- [Sniffles] she never got to-- to meet Sebastian.

OK, pumpkin.

[Fusses] Sarah, voice-over: Yeah.

A lot of people say that it's sort of like, you know, she was passing, you know, he was coming into the world, and, I mean, I've heard it a lot, and I would like to say that it helps, but and honestly, it doesn't.

I'm not there yet.

Patrick, voice-over: We towards the end after mom died, there is, as siblings sometimes can do in a family, they fight over things.

She said she never wanted to talk to me again.

That kind of happened, so I've been wanting to talk to her, but I really couldn't.

It was kind of, like, an anger or an edgy kind of feeling, you know?

I got past that, and I got to the point where I decided, "Well, I'm gonna talk to her," and I wanted to make peace with her, so a few days prior to her passing, I whispered in her ear, "I forgive you "for those last few things that you said to me, and I'm not gonna hold a grudge," and I said, "and I know you forgive me for the things that I said to you, too"... and then Una passed.

There's no other way I can say it.

I was shattered.

I didn't cry when my mom died.

I didn't cry when my father died.

I deeply, deeply felt Una's passing.

I mean, you can live a life, and you can hold on to all the grudges, and you can hold on to all the [beep], or you can hold on to all the goodness.

♪ [Sanding continues] ♪ ♪ [Birds chirping] ♪ ♪ Una: I can't imagine what it would be like to have these feelings of love and nowhere to put it, nowhere to show it, nowhere to reflect it, so love is in a relationship.

♪ It's about community.

It's about the family.

It's about the clan because that's how we love, is through relationship.

♪ I think our memories are real sacred spaces if we could tune into it, and I think that's all a part of when a person dies, that they continue to live on in others, in their memories or in their thoughts.

♪ Without a relationship, what is there?

♪ [The Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem's "Isn't It Grand, Boys"] ♪ Clancy Brothers and Makem: ♪ Look at the coffin ♪ ♪ With golden handles ♪ ♪ Isn't it grand, boys ♪ ♪ To be bloody well dead?

♪ ♪ Let's not have a sniffle ♪ ♪ Let's have a bloody good cry ♪ ♪ And always remember, the longer you live ♪ ♪ The sooner you'll bloody well die... ♪ Una: Hello.

Are we gonna be in the movie?

Eh, they're just filming me going round in circles, the story of my life.

Clancy Brothers and Makem: ♪ Let's not have a sniffle ♪ ♪ Let's have a bloody good cry ♪ ♪ And always remember, the longer you live ♪ ♪ The sooner you'll bloody well die ♪ Singer: ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪